Letters from Bhakti Tirtha Swami

Posted:

June 21, 2005
"Die Before Dying"

June 2, 2005
BT Swami enters Nirjana Bhajana

May 8, 2005
Final Letter

April 26, 2005
Translate Website

April 21, 2005

April 14, 2005

"Die Before Dying"

Just as there is life, there is death. Someone or something takes birth,

grows, stays for some time, deteriorates, and then dies. Another name for

birth is death. You cannot have one without the other, meaning that when

someone is born, someone will soon die (because most species do not live

very long); and when someone dies, someone is soon born. Everyone and

everything in its normal state wants to live as long as possible--eternally.

Eternality, however, is not associated with matter, but is a spiritual

affair. Death to matter and to our material bodies is inevitable, but if we

master the science of dying before dying, we will connect with that which is

eternal--our soul and its home in the spiritual world. After all, death is

to remove everything false and secondary.

My mother, who is deceased, often used to say, "Give me my flowers while I can still see them." As I child, I thought of it as strange, but as an

adult, I thought of it as a sign of wisdom. My mother understood the body to

be transient and she celebrated life--"the now"--realizing that one must

show their love and affection for life at every moment. Our life or the

lives of others will be taken away in the near future. If one lives with

proper preparation and detachment, one will master the science of dying

before dying so as to connect with the soul and its home--the spiritual

world. After all, death is to remove everything false and secondary.

When we die before dying, we put first things first. The activities that

nourish our souls and help us detach from the illusion and confusion of

material culture are our priorities. Since we know that life is meant to

prepare for a glorious death, we can live each day as if it is our last.

Therefore, there is no time to waste on irrelevant, superfluous activities.

Even when we must give time to somewhat superficial things, it must be done in a way that enhances or strengthens the primary, significant involvements. If one lives with proper preparation and detachment, one will master the science of dying before dying so as to connect with the soul and its home--the spiritual world. After all, death is to remove everything false and secondary.

There are so many offenses that can be made in devotional services. It is

these offenses that are our greatest enemy. Devotional service is extremely

potent, but offenses can stagnate our spiritual growth very seriously and

can even destroy the devotional creeper. Offenses are activities that try to

redirect our consciousness back to previous sinful life or that serve as

barriers to our unfoldment. Offenses are like a town courier who delivers an

urgent message designed to distract the individual from his or her relevant

and important activities. When one stops making offenses, one will live with

proper preparation and detachment. One will master the science of dying

before dying so as to connect with the soul and its home--the spiritual

world. After all, death is to remove everything false and secondary.

So many people have cheated, disappointed, lied, manipulated, and even

abused us. When we reflect on the experience, it is as if we relive it

again. Such experiences have definitely shaped us in various ways. Many of

these abusers and cheaters have traumatized us. In some cases, they have

scarred us for life. The normal position is for the hurt or abused to seek

revenge and severely punish the offender. It is easier to do but will not

fully resolve the problem. What is important is for forgiveness to be the

major means of addressing such problems. If one lives with proper

preparation and detachment, one will master the science of dying before

dying so as to connect with the soul and its home--the spiritual world.

After all, death is to remove everything false and secondary.

Most people have special friends they would like to meet, places they would

like to visit, and experiences they would like to have. When we meet, know,

or associate with important people, it makes us more important, at least in

the eyes of others. When we can travel to many exciting places, life seems

to be more adventurous. Most important, when we can have many exciting

experiences, life seems more meaningful. We are all pleasure seekers and are always eager to experience pleasure. But the true spiritualist does not get

overwhelmed by these concerns for he understands the temporary and even

illusory nature of the world. If one lives with proper preparation and

detachment, one will master the science of dying before dying so as to

connect with the soul and its home--the spiritual world. After all, death is

to remove everything false and secondary.

Sometimes we are so busy doing things and even doing things for those we

love that we don’t have time to be with them, show them, or tell them how

much we love them. Sometimes others are so busy doing things and doing

things for us that they also have no time to be with us, show us, or tell us

how much they love us. However, if we truly understand how this life is a

preparation for death, we will always have time to give and receive love.

When someone dies, much of the sadness usually comes from a lack of

sufficient closure in the relationships. There is something we wanted to

tell them or do with them, and there is something they wanted to tell us or

do with us. Each party has a tendency to procrastinate on or minimize the

important opportunities and moments. Especially when a person lives solely

for eating, sleeping, mating, and defending, or when he or she is captured

by a very strong false ego, there is a tendency to miss opportunities to be

fully present. The person misses the chance to say or do what will best

honor other people’s highest needs as well as blocks the chance for others

to honor his or her needs.

Quality association is most important. Where there is quality association,

one is always either learning something or teaching something. Such

association is based on being with those who also are determined to end the

cycle of birth, disease, old age, and death. With quality association, one

understands that just as there is life, there is death. So one acts with the

knowledge that life is for self-realization, and that death, which is

inevitable for matter and the material body, is not associated with the

soul. We must die to live! That comes as we accept the inevitability of

destruction and elimination of all matter. We can then honor the deaths that

have happened and those that are manifesting, knowing that they can prepare

the way for eternal life.

The true spiritualist profoundly appreciates my mother’s statement, "Give me my flowers while I can see them." For, once the body is gone, the soul

departs for its new encounter; therefore, it is important to say and do

whatever is best for all now! Where we have made offenses, we must stop them and ask for forgiveness now! While we have people to meet, places to visit, and experiences to have, we must put first things first, understanding the differences between what is temporary and what is eternal now! We must allow every day of our lives to represent healthy closure now! When we live for love, this is most natural, because all of our associations will be quality associations in which we share our compassion, determination, and

realizations, and receive the same from others.

This is the technology of how to celebrate life now and live with proper

preparation and detachment, so that one will master the science of dying

before dying so as to connect with the soul and its home--the spiritual

world. After all, death is to remove everything false and secondary.

I am that lowly beggar who is desperately trying to die before dying.

--His Holiness Bhakti Tirtha Swami Maharaja

Bhakti Tirtha Swami enters into Nirjana Bhajana

 

Dear Maharajas and Prabhus

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

Yesterday afternoon in Gita Nagari Dhama, H. H. Bhakti Tirtha Swami made his final public appearance. He was joined by H. H. Radhanatha Swami, H. H. Gunagrahi Swami, H. H. Bhaktivaibhava Swami, H. H. Bhakti Visvambhara Madhava Swami and H. H. Candramauli Swami. Bhakti Tirtha Swami spoke with great love and compassion to the devotees as he embarked on sixty minutes of honest and open sharing, explaining why this would be his last public appearance.

“The time has now come to enter into nirjana bhajana”  Maharaja revealed, sharing his decision to focus on his internal life by engaging in mana-seva (service in the mind). His desire now is only to speak, hear and think about Krsna. Maharaja went on to say that
although a devotee is traditionally not meant to reveal his or her internal bhajana, it is also important at this time to consider priti, which involves revealing the mind in confidence and hearing others reveal their minds. In this mood, Maharaja desired to share some of his experiences involving the separation of the body, mind and soul that devotees undergo when they leave their bodies.

He went on to say that his perception of dying on the battlefield was to leave this world like Grandfather Bhismadeva, to preach until his very last breath. At the same time, he realizes that his service to Srila Prabhupada in this body, plane and institution is now over. As a result of his prayer in the mood of Vasudeva Dutta, Maharaja has opened himself up to being used as a puppet by Srila Prabhupada, publicly undergoing the death experience in such a way that he can share it with us, leaving his example as a legacy to assist in preparing us when we, too, one day must leave the body. So in many ways he is still dying on the battlefield.

Maharaja acknowledged that his service to Srila Prabhupada was unorthodox, and that this was both a blessing and a curse. A large part of his preaching involved being attentive to secular happenings on the planet, requiring him to acquire information through which he could relate to people involved in corporate leadership and politics. This was his sacrifice. By extending himself to preach, he fortunately received many blessings, but at the same time, immersing himself in secular subject matter did not supply the deep nourishment necessary for his soul. Now it was time for him to give his complete attention to the pastimes of Lord Krsna in Vraja.

From now on, Bhakti Tirtha Swami explained, the only devotees who would be seeing him personally would be his caregivers and H. H. Radhanatha Swami, who will be staying in Gita Nagari until Bhakti Tirtha Swami departs. Bhakti Tirtha Swami expressed his deep thanks to Radhanatha Swami, whom he views as a very special caregiver sent by Srila Prabhupada to assist him with the transition. If anyone else gets to see him, Maharaja said, it would be as a result of their services - as they bring something into his room, or read krsna katha to him. Only hearing, speaking and thinking of Krsna and Vrndavana from now on, Maharaja cautioned devotees that he would more than likely not respond if any other topic is brought up in his presence. The twice daily kirtana outside his room will continue: although the devotees who come to sing for him may not see Maharaja in person, they should know that he really appreciates their services.

Before closing with three quotes regarding nirjana bhajana, Bhakti Tirtha Swami emphasized the need for us to understand this process properly. Under no circumstances should it be undertaken prematurely.

“While Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu thus resided at Jagannatha Puri (Nilacala), he was continuously overwhelmed, night and day, by separation from Krsna. Day and night He tasted transcendental blissful songs and verses with two associates, namely Svarupa Damodara and Ramananda Raya. He relished the symptoms of various transcendental emotions such as jubilation, lamentation, anger, humility, anxiety, grief, eagerness and satisfaction. He would recite His own verses, expressing their meanings and emotions, and thus enjoy tasting them with these two friends. Sometimes the Lord would be absorbed in a particular emotion and would stay awake all night reciting verses and relishing their taste.”
(CC. Antya 20.3-7)

“Thus Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur advocated that every devotee, under the guidance of an expert spiritual master, preach the bhakti cult, Krsna consciousness, all over the world. Only when one is mature can he sit in a solitary place and retire from preaching all over the world. Following this example, the devotees of the International Society for Krsna Consciousness now render service as preachers in various parts of the world. Now they can allow the spiritual master to retire from active preaching work. In the last stage of the spiritual master's life, the devotees of the spiritual master should take the preaching activities into their own hands. In this way the spiritual master can sit down in a solitary place and render nirjana-bhajana.”
(Srila Prabhupada SB 4.28.33)

“In 1977 A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, at the age of 82, suffered illness repeatedly and became in a physically weakened state. He decided to discontinue his traveling around the world and take shelter of Vrndavana dhama, the sacred place of Lord Krsna’s pastimes. He listened and chanted Hare Krsna and meditated on the transcendental pastimes of Krsna, throughout the day and night. However, Srila Prabhupada remained in the association of his loving disciples, who assisted him during his final pastime by chanting, very softly and sweetly, the Hare Krsna mantra 24 hours a day. Srila Prabhupada said that this was his ‘nirjana-bhajana’, and that his sannyasi disciples, including the translator of this work, had to take over the responsibility of traveling and preaching all over the world, as he would not be able to travel anymore. This great spiritual master had taken shelter of Lord Krsna in Vrndavana during the last days of this life.
(H. H. Jayapataka Swami Commentary on Srila Bhaktisiddhanta’s Vaisnava Ke?, Verse 19)

After answering some questions from gurukulis, Bhakti Tirtha Swami had to leave the program due to intense bodily discomfort. The remaining sannyasis continued to take further questions. We invite you to listen to the entire class, available on www.btswami.com
http://www.btswami.com   or www.ifast.net    http://www.ifast.net 

Your aspiring servant,
Citi-Sakti Devi Dasi

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8th May 2005

Dear Maharajas, Prabhus and Disciples

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

This is the final letter that I will be sending out. Our movement is like a
young adult. There are many things that everyone experiences, individuals as
well as institutions that are part of the maturation process. As we grow, we
also have to deal with growth pains. Often after these growth pains we experience the greatest benefits from our struggles, just like a mother who is pregnant and who is bringing forth children. Each time before she gives birth she has to deal with almost unbearable challenges.  So we as an institution have experienced so many birth pains and challenges especially each time there is opportunity for major acceleration. Sometimes some of these tests institutionally and individually have heavily bewildered us, seriously wounded us and unfortunately, sometimes temporarily destroyed us. But we all know that there can not be serious growth and advancement without austerity.  Prabhupada explains in the Bhagavatam that an easy life and Krishna consciousness go ill together.

Each of us has our own battle of Kuruksetra that we have to deal with. In any
battlefield situation one can be victorious or one can be a failure, however,
even when one is a failure it can be used to come back stronger at a later
time.  In a battlefield situation one is in the most dangerous environments
where the most gruesome as well as the most noble things take place, but with good association the individual has more guarantee to be successful.  We have been offered the very best strategy and association by our wonderful acaryas so really if we become failures it is ultimately our own fault.  If we keep in good association even our temporary defeats will remind us but not define us. From these setbacks we should individually as well as collectively become stronger and hopefully wiser and more unified. It is important to remind ourselves that at the end of the day, all we really have is each other.  Ultimately a genuine family is eager to see how to help each other, they share in the defeats and they share in the successes especially since devotees are para dukha dukhi.

So many of us have been pioneers. Pioneers naturally make sacrifices for
future generations but ultimately they establish the foundation.  The special
mercy is all that we did is in our spiritual bank accounts.  I have personally
noticed that many devotees build up their spiritual investments and when it is
almost time for them to benefit from their credits i.e. to receive empowerment
and to accelerate by leaps and bounds in their consciousness, Maya finds a way to trick them so that they become unaware or unable to benefit from what is available at the right time. These kinds of tests bring a person to tremendous crossroads.  At a crossroad we can take the path of success; more profound selfless devotion, offering oneself more intensely than ever before to Guru and to Krishna or, we can choose the path of selfishness, with all kinds of subtle attachments that will lead to downfall. My realization is that without sufficient humility and high quality association, many people will take the path of temporary failure. It seems that several of the recent serious fall downs in big places are connected with four major factors: aparadhas, a lack of humility, a lack of quality association and a lack of understanding of some of the dynamics of advancement (some of the great dark night of the soul challenges).  As more of us raise the quality of our own consciousness, this will lead to consistent manifestations of deeper purity and we will have a greater impact on the environment. Just as Maya is contagious, authentic Bhakti is contagious.

I have made many mistakes in my devotional career especially in the area of
being more sensitive to devotees needs.  I feel I was given a special service
in Srila Prabhupada's mission to help the devotees to look closer at how to
rise above anartha nivrtti. A lot of my focus in preaching was to care for and to help the devotees as best as I could, especially to help them to recognize
their stagnations while they simultaneously develop the faith and technologies
of how to be less and less distracted.  I also feel that I was given a few
special privileges and lots of help in addressing a small part of Srila Prabhupada's mission on how to solve material problems with spiritual solutions. This required a certain style of presentation, it wasn't so much that I sacrificed developing external sadhu qualities, but I think it had more to do with some of the ways I needed to function to go in like a needle and come out like an elephant.  After all, it was these kinds of services, creative sankirtana, which constantly got me Srila Prabhupada's favour when he was on the planet. This was one of the reasons I chose to leave my body in the west on the battlefield. Another reason was that I realized if a few more of the senior leaders left their bodies where there are major projects, this would play a significant role in helping to develop and secure those projects. What to speak of reminding ourselves that so much of Srila Prabhupada's success was in establishing holy dhamas all around the world. The important thing in my humble opinion is, since the scriptural injunction states that one should always desire to live in the holy dhamas and one should leave their body in the holy dhamas, we understand that yes, it is physical, but more importantly it is a state of consciousness. We should never minimize the sacredness and the benefit of leaving our bodies in the holy dhama.  So many wonderful special helpers are there in the holy dhamas to assist one with their transition.  By the mercy of Srila Prabhupada all kinds of help for the devotee is arranged.  I have shared with many of you, that one of my greatest realizations is that even when we think we are doing our best, it is still so insignificant, or that by the mercy of Krishna, Srila Prabhupada and their many helpers, they will maintain what we have and supply big time, what we are lacking. By the mercy of all of you, there are indications that I may be on my way back to the spiritual world in perhaps one or two weeks and I may also be able to continue to have some influence here to assist the mission.

I want to offer my apologies to all of you that I have offended, especially
due to my often radical and unorthodox nature.  I want to thank you so much for helping my life to be successful by allowing me in my own small way to offer myself up in sacrifice, somewhat in the mood of Vasudeva Datta to try to be the servant of the servant.  Only by your constant prayers and the constant forcing of Srila Prabhupada in keeping me somewhat focused was I able to pass the final test. So I leave with you my funny mantra with its different variations. "We are all spiritual warriors, who are blessed by the best, and we have a duty to reach out more to help each other to pass their test."  In order to successfully deal with the pains of maturation, the birth pains, and our own battle of Kuruksetra, all of us really need more of each others protection, and that protection manifests more profoundly in how we allow ourselves to be conduits for Krishna's and Srila Prabhupada's mercy.

This experience of leaving the body is frightening and scary at times, full
of surprises, pain, and inconveniences, but I also understand that so much of
my suffering is just a token due to Srila Prabhupada's mercy.  When I look at
all the people that Srila Prabhupada used me to assist in various ways, all of
the inconveniences and suffering are surely worth it.  So I will now go ahead
and join some of those who have already left and help them in making
arrangements for so many of you.  Isn't this powerful global inter-planetary family that we have so wonderful?

When we think more about other's welfare, Krishna will hear our prayers. He
will help us to find more and better ways to do our part in serving our own
communities as well as serving the world.  We are not Salvationists, we do not want to just give assistance and love only to those of our same faith.  We don't want to be that pseudo spiritualist who just wants to facilitate their own
kind.  We want to be active agents for global consciousness raising.  I love you all and will find even more ways to show it after I leave this body.

Yours in Srila Prabhupada's Service

With Love

Bhakti Tirtha Swami
 

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Posted April 26, 2005

Posted April 21, 2005

Dear Maharajas, prabhus and disciples

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

I am like the ground hog that lives in the ground and every now and then he pokes his head out of the ground. I am like the guy who’s being stubborn about death, who every now and then sticks his head out (just like the groundhog) and tries to share something. I’ve had so many realizations in these last few months and there is no fun in trying to keep them to myself. For instance, every time a god brother or god sister came to visit me I would pray to Srila Prabhupada to allow me to say something to help inspire that devotee in the continuation of their services. In cases where Srila Prabhupada revealed an issue to me that the devotee needed to work on, I would try to offer some hopefully, humble advice. I learnt so much from all the devotees that came and they’re still writing to me. Hopefully I shared something that helped them in various ways. Now that I am getting closer to death I am beginning to look closer at my whole life. I see a pattern, as I was always praying to be forced by Srila Prabhupada to do what was necessary in his service - I can see that I was forced by so much mercy.

As a matter of fact the very last time I met Srila Prabhupada was when he came to England and he was on his way to Gita-Nagari. I was distributing his books in the then communist countries at that time. Most of you know the story…….. When he heard I was there, he immediately had Upendra and His Holiness Tamal Krsna Maharaja bring me in to see him. His Grace Krsna Ksetra prabhu and a Hungarian Swami (who later left his body in a car accident) came in with me. Srila Prabhupada motioned for me to come closer to the table where he was sitting. I came closer and he then motioned for me to come around his table. At that point he started rubbing my head and with tears in his eyes, he embraced me and said, “Your life is successful.” We spoke a few words more together, but the main thing I remember is I said, “Srila Prabhupada, if there is anything I have done to please you, it is because you have forced me.” Even in his weak state his eyes got big and he said, “Yes! Just as my Guru Maharaja forced me, I have forced you, and this is how the parampara system goes on.” So this is the essence of my first realization, that we want to be forced by the spiritual master. Our own intelligence, realizations, and conceptions will always have some imperfections, but as we position ourselves to be forced, even though we may have some temporary set backs, confusion, issues, and make mistakes, we will be pushed forward or even pulled forward in such a way that ultimately we will stay on track.

I was always confused about what Srila Prabhupada meant when he said that my life was successful. After all, I was and perhaps even now, am full of gross and subtle attachments. I have never heard Krishna’s ankle bells, nor have I heard his flute, although, like many of you, in special moments, I have been given special darsanas. I feel I have received quite a share of special darsanas. Even where once Sanatana and Jiva Goswami introduced me to Lord Chaitanya for a moment. Anyway, my point is not to talk about these kinds of darsanas. The point is what did Srila Prabhupada mean by that statement? It is only in the last few weeks that I have fully understood it. Let me share this with you. The nature of my own sadhana and the status of my adhikara are such that I would never have the qualifications to go back to godhead for who knows, maybe hundreds and thousands of years. But, you see for months, thousands of you have been praying for me, thinking of me, and sending me intense love, therefore it is all of you who have given me a status far beyond my qualification. Everything has been arranged for me to go back to the spiritual world after I give up this body. How is this happening? Firstly by the unlimited mercy of Srila Prabhupada and also by the mercy of all of you. So it seems that when he embraced me and said, “Your life is successful”. What he was really saying was, because I have given special mercy to you, you will have a glorious death. After all what is life for a Vaisnava other than to leave the body successfully? So, I am indebted to all of you because it is by all of your mercy a candala like me is receiving such blessings. Krishna responds to the prayers of his devotees, most of you prayed for me to stay even though I asked you not to. My understanding is that those prayers were accepted for something even higher. Can you imagine how joyful I am, and yet at the same time how sad I am for so few devotees, or people, are likely to get this kind of send off? But it doesn’t have to be that way. For instance, we should try to see how to facilitate the devotees with the least status in our society. Wouldn’t it be amazing if every time a devotee left their body, practically the whole Vaisnava community around the world would send their love? Eventually it should come to this. You see, every time a devotee leaves it is a special entity who has given their life along with each of us giving our lives to raise the consciousness on the planet. It is such a graduation that it should be natural that all or as many as possible should celebrate this graduation.

Even a few years ago when I had the first operation on my prostate, devotees around the world prayed for me at that time also. So even then the prayers did not lead to a successful operation. The initial success was that there were no complications, but 6 months later the same problem came back. Then years later when I got the cancer, new problems came forth and the old prostate problem joined the team and got worse. Both cases are so unusual. So many prayers were directed for a successful operation and the majority of the prayers were so that I could be allowed to stay on the planet for longer. Of course those who prayed that whatever the desire of Krishna and Srila Prabhupada was should happen, we can say that either your prayers were stronger or that all of your prayers were strong, but weren’t so much for the strength or rejuvenation of the physical body, but were to give love, strength, and protection to my consciousness. This is why I send out this message today. I want to offer my heartfelt thanks to the entire Vaisnava community, my family, well wishers and members of other faith communities that I have had an impact on. Whilst seemingly your prayers are focusing on my rapidly deteriorating body, your prayers have done something much more wonderful. You have given strength protection and nourishment to my soul. Actually I am amazed at how the soul is still tolerating the physical me. I am sure that the soul is also waiting for me to stop poking my head up like a groundhog, and finally lay down and give up the body. This I am ready to do, after all, I am somewhat torturing myself by staying longer in this body. There are still a few more of you I think I can help. This is not arrogance this is due to the powerful nature of how we are all connected by Srila Prabhupada’s mercy. It is simply that right now, Srila Prabhupada is using me (as he will use all of us) to send certain messages of comfort, perseverance and determination, to so many of his children, grand-children, and great-grandchildren, who he loves so dearly. Now I think you can all understand my mantra a little better, “I am blessed by the best, I will not settle for anything less, and I am now preparing to pass the final test.” You are the best, and you have blessed me. I am not ready to settle for anything less than your wonderful prayers and love. So as I keep repeating this mantra I want you to keep continuing to pray for me and bless me on as I have to deal with the final test of departure.

Yours in Srila Prabhupada’s Service
With Love
Bhakti Tirtha Swami

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Posted April 14, 2005

Dear Disciples and well wishers

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

I want to apologise, as I won't be able to travel to visit any of you in your various temples and projects. The cancer is spreading everyday. The tumours in my body are also getting larger everyday. My main personal caretaker at this time in addressing issues with my body is Dhruva Maharaja Dasa from S. Africa, he literally sleeps in the room with me every night. I am waking up about every hour and a half. I am not able to get up on my own to go to the bathroom so I have to be wheelchaired into the bathroom. He and Ekavira also have to bathe me each day. In many ways I've become fully an invalid, as some caretakers have to be with me at every moment of the day. We're seeing externally the tumours are getting bigger and we can understand that internally the cancer is gradually spreading all over the body with tremendous vigour. Now I'm mainly doing some treatments to try to minimise and dull the pain. At this point I could have weeks or (I’m so stubborn) still a few months. However, I really don't see how the soul will be able to stay in this body for months due to its rapid deterioration. Even though I'm still giving the classes once a week, which I hope you're all listening to, it has become so hard for me. On Sunday just driving from Institute house to the temple on the bumpy road in Gita Nagari, I felt like my already cancerous and damaged collar bone was going to fully break. It also felt as if my head and neck were too heavy for my shoulders and chest. At the same time however, I am dying on the battle field. Three days ago I did a one hour live radio show over the telephone and yesterday morning devotees managed to prop me up and dress me very nicely to make a recording for the Oprah Winfrey show. It seems that we have an angle to share with millions of people around the world who watch the show. Let us see if she picks up on this before I depart. It doesn't really matter, as the message has already been recorded, as well as the fact that my life has been my message in the rather unique way that I served Srila Prabhupada's mission.

For those who have received formal recommendations, I will start chanting on your beads next week. To save time we have purchased the beads on this side and once they're chanted on we will send them to you. We will post the new names of the first initiates and a list of the second initiates on www.btswami.com and they should later be posted on all the other foreign websites. For those who have been accepted for 2nd initiation, you will have to have a siksa or authority in you area who is a brahmin, to give you the mantra on my behalf (and the thread for men). This authority should explain to you all that is necessary for chanting the mantra. You will also receive a MP3 (on CD) of a short class I gave to the 2nd initiates in Gita Nagari about chanting Gayatri, but first you must hear the mantra in your right ear from someone in your area who makes a connection with you on my behalf.

Now the question is why am I at this time ready to take more disciples when I am leaving in a short time and won't see 99% of you again in this lifetime other than if I appear to you via visions, dreams or sound etc. I have prayed over this and my initial feelings were that since I cannot physically visit your places, I should just accept it as Krsna's mercy and request you all to take shelter elsewhere. However, I am feeling my higher self is now dictating that yes I should encourage you all, even those of you who are already initiated, to find formal siksa with other leaders and devotees. But since most of you are so deeply connected with me in the heart and some even have connected with me from a previous life,  I want to do what I can in this short time to connect you with the parampara and to accept your ongoing love and devotion to me which I then pass on to my own guru. So I cannot tell you no, I will not pass on your dedication and love to Srila Prabhupada as I must deliver whatever's necessary as his disciple, envoy and ambassador. Can you imagine in one sense, how difficult it is with all the physical complexities I am having, after being such an active person for almost my whole life. None of you can fully imagine how joyful and happy I am about how my impending death has had, and is having an impact on the international community. It is not only those in the ISKCON community or those just in the vaisnava communities but, also so many of the people who are connected with nama hattas, workshops and seminars that I've given in many other pious communities. So when I do finally leave, by the mercy of my guru, perhaps I will be able to return back to the spiritual world with great happiness, knowing that my little service on this planet has pretty much been carried out successfully based on my commission. So I want all of you now to fully accept that I have left, and just see any additional days, weeks etc as a special arrangement in bringing last closure to my little efforts to raise global consciousness. I will also begin to nourish my internal life more even though I chose to die active here in the west, on the battlefield. We really cannot join the residents of the spiritual world unless we are ready, or have become like them. So you can imagine I've got a whole lot of work to do in a short time. Don't worry; my books will have more impact after I leave, even though there are already 17 books being translated into 15 different languages. Those who know me closely know that I don't have any serious qualifications in any area but miracles have always happened around me, even to the point that I began to expect them. In other words, there are many things I have somehow been able to do, which I know were far beyond my rational power and influence. The biography of my life that was written two years ago by a writer and disciple of Jayapataka Swami in Russian will come out in English at some point. I think the biography will increase your faith in Srila Prabhupada more. Just as the life of so many of our senior devotees, when fully shared, will show how they were brought to this mission so miraculously, what to say of their many awesome accomplishments. They are the real heroes. The difference between me and them, is that I was always upfront and often announcing or informing the vaisnava community of some of my achievements. I've always been spoiled and I've always found ways to get love and distribute love. Just look at my situation now. I will not and cannot die quietly. I will be receiving love and affection until I take my last breath. Thank you all so much for your love. Yes, I continue to repeat, 'I am blessed by the best and will never settle for anything less, and I'm just waiting to pass a few more tests'. But I'll only be able to pass these last tests as you send more of your love and as you show more determination to do more on your own part in making sacrifices for others. I will live on in such a wonderful way through my disciples, especially those rare disciples who will be 'love in action' as they interact as sweet sadhus in their various communities. What a wonderful life I've had and what a wonderful death I'm approaching. So upon reading this letter I request that you intellectually accept that the entity that you knew in this present and physical form is eternal but has already departed. I will not be personally answering anymore emails from disciples. If you send an email to me there's a chance that it'll be read to me and some of my caretakers will answer on my behalf. I will of course be answering emails from my God brothers, God sisters, leaders from other traditions who are in touch with me and those connected with the harinama press work in different countries. The next 4 books that will come out; Beggar 4 - Die before Dying, which will be ready in 3 weeks , Spiritual Warrior 6-a book on terrorism, war, fanaticism, sectarianism and the peace solution, Reflections 5 - 64 principles for developing a sound vaisnava community by Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur, my little book on aparadhas and then my last book on surrender will all basically conclude the major messages that I wanted to share, in helping to bring about some national and international transformation. Some of the things that I have done in this lifetime, I have done in previous lives. So some things were just destined to happen in certain ways. Even the minority body that I've appeared in, in this lifetime has been given as a special asset for my services. I had a lot of fun, I raised a lot of hell, and oops...... I will keep doing it until the helpers who come for me tell me 'maharaja, you no longer have to deal with negativities. Your work now is all blissful loving service.' Next time when they come I will not procrastinate. Everything that needed to be said by me or done by me has all been done. Can you believe, I've even helped pick out my own samadhi and all the stuff that comes with it! I want even the arrangements for my remains to be upbeat. What can I say.......I am outrageous as a god brother, as a member of my biological family, as a disciple and as a spiritual master. Maybe Lord Nityananda and some of his cowherd boys gave me kick in head as i was leaving home : ) So what can I do? I refuse to take all the blame for my outrageousness. When the full biography comes out and when some of you later visit the museum that’s being set up, and you see all the outrageous clothes, crowns, canes and the volumes of books that I used as references, you will realise its amazing how I appeared to be as sane as I did. But I guess there's some value in being insane in a world where the norms are down right expressions of insanity. So no time to waste just keep sending the love. Yes, I know you love me but I love you all three times as much. I will find some ways to show you this even more after I have departed.

Yours in Srila Prabhupada's Service
With Love
Previously known as John Favours, Ghanasyama, Swami Krsnapada,Bhakti Tirtha Swami.

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Departure of a Great Soul
by Sangita devi dasi

Journal of Departure
submitted by
Jaya Tirtha Charan dasa